I say a little prayer!

I strongly believe that prayers get answered, just that it takes a while for us to figure out how…but they do! Really don't remember but have always said my prayers since I was little. Always learnt that one must pray for others and you won’t know grace shall be upon you too. All you need is good faith, so with all sincerity, for once I say some for myself….(Coz only if you pray for yourself, can you get blessings for everyone around….)

I pray that….. O’ Lord..

a) Let me have enough money, so I could be a globetrotter and see all those beautiful things you’ve created. And lets also give it to those humans who made lot of good stuff to appreciate and cherish  ….my list keeps getting longer!

b) Let me have a job that gives me joy, satisfaction, growth as a professional and as a person, and lots and lots of money – yeah!

c) Let me stay in good health, not become so fat coz that won’t suit my height. Also since I wish to fill my wardrobe with some hot and sexy clothes, can’t afford to waste them.

d) Though I have started to become somewhat an introvert and quite like it, Lord let me have true friends who can make life wonderful and worthwhile.

e) I don’t mind a little house of my own with a small garden, a swing and a hammock to retire in after a long, hectic day. A car parking in the garage that I could spin around for long drives….oh! how I miss doing that.

f) Oh Lord, bless me enough that if at all I don’t have or possess any of the above; I am still able to survive and be a happy person.

g) Give me enough courage to be able to forgive those who’ve caused me hurt, who’ve never understood me, those who’ve cursed me…I can really count who may have done that.

h) Keep me away from all negative feelings like anger, hatred, jealousy (recently discovered I can have that emotion too….just one person that can turn me all green with envy)… Bless that one too….more to me though, so I can deal with that feeling…

i) Fill me up with sooooo much love that I can feel no pain inside, let there be love in abundance that those around me can devour it too….

j) I can’t thank you enough to give me what I thought I didn’t ever deserve…another chance to love and feel loved….let it grow strong enough that one day..…there won’t be any guard or barriers in between….just naked souls, pure bliss, deep love…and nothing to drive us apart

Oh Lord! Most importantly don't let my faith in you ever die, and just let it always grow stronger and stronger….promise, I won’t let you down!

Amen

To be or not to be...

Since aboriginal times, there has been high decibel hoopla around child bearing and rearing, which is unquestionably an integral aspect of life for any living being. And how much ever we deny, as a matter of fact procreation is our reason to be. Well there may be all sorts of takes on this subject, I am still trying to figure my own standpoint..

From the day a couple gets married, the immediate family starts dwelling on dreams of grandkids, nieces and nephews. And when you hit the 2nd wedding anniversary, (some don't even wait that long) there are hints sent across by parents, friends, relatives and why not, even the house maid has a desire to play with and serve your offsring. Everyone around starts to follow you closely - put on a little weight, you have friends and neighbors hitting you with one single question - 'Good news?'. Hell no!

No, I am not at all averse to procreation; like any other child I figured that God sends a boy or girl on earth and they grow up to make babies...ummm yes found it a little gross initially but soon realised it is indeed true. I've always loved babies, so much so that I could stop in the middle of the road just to exchange sweet nothings with a toddler. And yes they (babies, kids) do like me back, so it is quite mutual. And for a long time I too dwelled on desires to rear a couple of my own. In fact, quite until I got married I was pretty sure of things on this front, but since a couple of years things have taken a tangential shift in my head.

I do have nagging parents and friends who keep throwing the melodramatic reasons saying "the body clock is ticking". Really, why can't I hear it? :-/ When I pondered upon the prospect of having a child, the first thing that came to my mind was, Why? Why should I have children? And the answers were aplenty, like:

• Kids bring joy and happiness in your lives.
• They teach you to live and enjoy small joys.
• They enable you, give reasons to bond with your partner better.
• They make you better managers and persons.
• They give you and your parents objective in life.
• Last but not the least, they become your support system when you grow old and immobile.

So in nut-shell we bring kids into this world for shere selfish reasons, just like some listed above and many more which I cant recollect at this moment. I am not actually saying that there's anything wrong about this natural viscious circle created by God, but I am quite not sure if I am good enough to take up such a big responsibility, of actually creating a living being just to fulfil a laundry list of my own and family's desires.

I may probably give into the pressures of the body clock tickking at 3G speed, as mom says. All I hope is to be able to be a good parent, rearing them to become good human beings and not mere 'ojectives' of people's lives.

Let there be 'Life'.....

Ever wondered why we are born? To be a little more specific, why are we born as Humans and not as any other living being? Well, I am pretty sure we all must have thought about it as kids; and some spend a lifetime in the quest to get an answer to this. From whatever little spiritual understanding I have imbibed and gathered I do believe that the Human body is extremely special and being born as one is a blessing in itself; which is speculated as the only medium to re-connect with the ultimate and Supreme Being - GOD as some of us believe or not believe in.

 If you are reckoning this post is about religion, well I would say ' little bit’, but we shall talk about it at a minuscule level. So the religion in discussion is called ‘Life’, which, as that of a Human is way too superior than we can comprehend.

This piece here is a consequence of some incidences that occurred and made me deliberate a bit. A couple of days ago we heard about the demise of former cricketer Azharuddin’s younger son Ayazuddin. This young lad who was just about 19, already treading towards a promising career in Cricket, succumbed to his ineluctable fate. The whole incidence really left me distraught. It made me imagine about His future, had he lived; imagine he could have entered the Indian cricket team soon, scored a few centuries, won some championships, a few national - international accolades, found true love, gotten married, had several kids, celebrated many more Eids with family and friends, and so much more. But now, it will be nothing more than a quiescent future.

 What grieves me is the fact that I see people refute the significance of Life today.  The incessantly growing murders and suicide cases astonish me. I know there could be real reasons for them to resort to such severe measures, but I still ask ‘Why’? There seems to be no sense of responsibility amongst people, that includes responsibility towards relationships, own self and life as a whole. Ending relations is not so much of a big deal today, moving on is the easier way out. Despite all of that, we still come across every second person in depression or some emotional crisis, indulging into self destructive vices such as alcoholism, drugs etc.

While I attribute some of it to a the changing times, a larger chunk of it is caused by the parents. While they want to shower upon their offspring all that they never got themselves or longed to own in life, seldom do they realize that by doing so all they are doing is harming them. Kids today are so engrossed in themselves, with everything available at their finger tips, they cease to know what patience is, develope lower tolerance, and have no idea what struggle and harship means. And when they really have to face the harshness of life ever, they get restless and succumb to the pressures and seek inappropriate aids to get over them.

Although I am condemning the current generation's approach towards life, I am sure my older generation would have something similar to say about me. That's a different arguement though. The point I am trying to draw here is that I want to urge each one of you to respect and acknowledge this Religion called 'Life'. Let us make an attempt to inculcate some of the rich values that our ancestors were proud of, lets appreciate this Human body; cease every moment and cherish it to bits.

Let us pledge that we'd spend more time and be responsible towards family, make friends, respect people more than money, but value money that is hard earned. Last, but not the least, let there be a Ayazuddin who would live a wonderful life and make beautiful memories for the world to remember.

How hard is it? to be a believer and to keep the faith?

Amen.

A prayer of a broken heart

My chosen path...

There is a path I have taken, 

a slope upwards, winding and curving,

there is a milestone on every bend,

reminding the distance is much to go,

but I tread on with a cheer for the thrill 

of the hardships to come, the rocks to climb,

the great view on the top for me to pause and unwind.

I do stop sometimes for a breath for a sigh,

to revel on the thought of someone in hindsight,

who gave me the thought of this great climb,

but who left me en route for a cause,

a noble thought perhaps a sacrifice.

I say a silent prayer, for her, for all I love,

my friends, my family, myself,

for things undone, they will make me come through

on my valiant attempt, on my great climb.

Of Character and Integrity

Last week I was watching this movie called The Insider. For those who have seen it may have liked it (I wonder if there'd be anyone who didn't or doesn't) for several reasons, I have my own views, however this post here is not completely about this movie. Here I want to put down these profound questions that pop into my head and give me a different feeling each time and still leave me wondering.

Well yes we are talking about those people with a strong character and integrity. They do get noticed, such people; some admire them, some abhor them and some make fun of them and just let them be. But they are quite a rare species to find for sure.

Going back to the movie, the character of 'Jeffery Wigand' (brilliantly played by Russell Crowe) triggered these thoughts in my head. Firstly I'd like to appreciate how beautifully the director has sketched this character and portrayed how 'ordinary people behave in extraordinary circumstances'. I however think these are not really ordinary people.

These people with strong principles in life, ever wondered what do they think? what makes them be the way they are?  and how do they react to various situations in life? I do believe that it has a lot to do with the upbringing by parents and family, but moreover it is the person's own will and grit to abide by those learnings and form a personality of his/her own.

It takes a lot of courage and will, like that of a rock's, to be the way they are. Because only then can they stand up for what they believe in and fight for. If you come to think, Life for such people is the toughest, because they are those who refuse to compromise, don't give in and stand upright to fight throughout.

These Warriors,  as I call them, fight a battle each day, be it at work, with family, friends, peers, mainly the society. Imagine the kind of pressures they have to deal with. Sometimes the worst test one is put to is when one has to chose between the welbeing of family and to stand by own principles. The movie The Insider shows that Wigand's family leaves him because of his descision to protest but his perserverance keeps him going on. Yes this is also a risk the warriors face, being outcaste, abandoned and what not.

I have grown up watching 'Warriors' fight and struggle everyday in life, my own father, an extremely honest man, who always supported the right and condemned unethical people and such practices. However difficult life was for him and us, we as a family were very supportive of him, especially mom. It gave him great pride and honour to have spent his life honestly and to have a family who believed in him and stood by his side in the toughest times. 

Yes, if your life partner and family acknowledges and supports your stance and principles in life, it adds to your vigour and gives more meaning and reason to be.

This post is dedicated to all those 'Warriors' who have a strong conscience and thrive to live upto own principles throughout their lives. A salute to them all.  

Eternal Love......

I have always admired 'Sufi Music', different people perceive it differently. To me it is nothing but a way of describing one's feeling for the Almighty and his creation.

Here is a beautiful rendition of that divine feeling called 'Love'

Straight from the heart.

I don’t wish for any riches
all I seek is your love I’m yours and you’re mine

Saiyyan ... Saiyyan (dear)

Just one loving touch of yours
can let me die in peace
My love, come into my arms, let me immerse in you.

I wish I could lose myself in your entirety.

Saiyyan ... Saiyyan 

My days liven up with joy- my nights sing
they let me in trance every passing moment.
I’ve lost myself as I win you,
and now I live just for you. I wish I could look at you forever,

I wish I could worship your image.

All my relations begin with you.

Saiyyan ... Saiyyan

I wish I could fall upon your body like 

a garland and sail in love,across the universe,

I wish I could sail through this life loving you…

Saiyyan ... Saiyyan 

This is soft warm addiction… and it keeps growing.
I wish you could wake me like never
My heart has now known madness
and my world has lit up.
Just like a new bride
I’ve become all yours, my love As you adorn my temple with your love

Saiyyan ... Saiyyan 

I don’t wish for riches
I want you-
I don’t know nothing more
perhaps, you know…
I just know that I’m all yours-
And that you’re mine…
I just know that I’m all yours,
And you’re mine.
I know I’m all yours
And you’re mine, only mine…

Peek - a - Boo...!

I am so vain. And this post of mine shall substantiate that. 

So when I am alone I tend to waste a lot of time. How do I manage to do so? Well all I have to do is concentrate and think, yeah tough one isn't it? No that isn't the challenge, what actually is..... to think about just one thing. Like......really.

It's been quite some time since I've been trying to 'concentrate'. And while I struggled to succeed, guess what it was about? Well it was about 'Life and the pursuit of happiness' (yeah heavy weight). And what did it look like? to me looked like a game of 'Peek-a-boo'. 

Yes we all play that game all through our lives, most of the time we love doing so, and seldom we get annoyed. 

Let now me concentrate a lil more and list down things that make me 'happy'.

1. What makes me happiest is when I get to be myself, carefree, careless, like a butterfly(don't know if they are any of that, but they just can't stay put at one place, so much like me).  
2. Lovely music that teases my senses while I spin the wheel. Long drives I simply loves. 
3. Food. Home made aaloo ki sabji, puri, gulab jamun, pani puri, sev puri, pav bhaji....errr ok before u report my blog and this very post as spam, let me attach the rest of my list in the annexure (see below....look properly it is there).
4. Sitting by the sea shore. I can spend a lifetime staring at the sea. Can listen to the sound of waves until eternity.
5. Sleeping in Mom's lap. The gentle touch of her fingers tends to cease all the worries in the world.
6. One 'Black Polar-Bear' hug from the ones I love. 
7. Dancing on silly bollywood music along with people sharing similar interest. Ha! I can bring down the ceiling with out having a drop of alcohol. Mind you. 
8. Walking in the rain. Oh how I love monsoon and getting drenched. 
9. A smile from a leetal baby can do wonders to me. Just need to play with a baby and I can be the happiest person you'd ever see.
10. Life is incomplete without having friends around. A little attention from those I love the most and am all charged up (I mean happy, dutty peepals).
11. A phone call from my brother. Ahem! it only lasts 3-4 minutes precisely but surely makes my day. 
12. The greatest of pleasures I get is every time I make someone smile. :)

So how hard is this game if you have to think? That question is for me. Wondering why my list is so small. Gotta work on that. 

So those who think my first sentence stands true. Please do drop in a comment or two. And if you do so, you fall in the same category don't ya?

Watevs!